Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
