Four minutes until I can fart!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize