I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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