Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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