Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
