I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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