Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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