remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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