dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
