What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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