Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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