I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
