You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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