He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
