i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
