Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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