Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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