I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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