also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
