Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
