i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
