Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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