matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
