you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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