We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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