I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
