you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
