you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
