dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
