the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
