Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
