i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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