I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
