she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
