i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I could fuck to npr.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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