tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
