so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
