she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize