I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize