god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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