Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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