is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
NoShamevember. You game?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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