careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
