wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
