If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
