I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
