How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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