im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
