Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
