Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
