i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
