yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
