How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
