I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
