i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
