if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
