so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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