Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
