Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
