haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
