i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
