Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
