her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
