wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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