My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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