i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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