Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
