He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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